All About my Life !!!!

alright, i'm in a mess now. I don't know what's in my mind. There's alot and alot turning inside out. Having such dilemma deep in myself, i myself don't even know how it happens. I tried to be very good to myself but it turns out badly every time it comes to the end. I hated myself, I hated myself for why i'm behaving such way, why i got jealous so easily, why i got frustrated so fast, why i can't even think nicely, why i can't even distract myself, why i can't even be myself, why i ruin my own life in my own hand, why i know how to advise other people and i can't do it, there's so many why in my mind. and seriously I HATE EXPECTATION! since from small i hate and now i've all grown up i still hate that a lot.
Perhaps i'm not too good in anything. I can't even keep things in it's shape and turn out in a mess every time. yet i don't even know how to read people's mind. Yes alot of people said i've been talking to myself. I admitted that's very true.. Very true, i have been talking to myself a lot. Questioning and answering myself. i just hate how much life torture me. and more like i torture myself.
How much i wish i can just punch on something and everything just flies off like that. I don't like to be alone. but i cant do anything. shut up.