For all I can say is that sorry. Sorry to people out there and also my closest one. I don't live up your expectations. I am not trained to handle all this kind of pressure. Give me a few more time to get myself used to it. When I am being told that I am the one that was given all the expectations that there did half way, I felt like there are tons stacking up on my shoulder that I feel like putting my head into somewhere where I could see no one. I used to have a light always in front of me whenever I am lost. Now it is not there anymore and this road I have to walk it out myself. Come to think of it, it sucks and I start hating it already. I need to breathe sometimes , somewhere where I can feel myself and take control of what I should or am thinking. I really miss you but at the same time I hate you too. Why you just need give this shit life. I guess I am really just this weak. Avoiding them I guess. Where am I suppose to find this light of mine again. Screw the tears that just make me feel more vulnerable. One day when I just can't make it, I will just have to choose to leave too.

Still wondering if anyone is still reading my blog after me MIA for so long and never update anything about myself.

For those who still wondering how I am doing and how's my new life is going on and have I kick start my uni life back in Malaysia, thanks for those concern for the people who asked me when they see me.

For all I can say is that, I am shifting my attention from work to education or studies. I know I can't afford to waste time doing something but at the same time I am not doing anything. Therefore, I told myself that I can't fail or waste my time and money just like that. Even try to graduate within the course duration and that's the day where I will take my cert and show it to HIM as that's my promise to HIM.

For how's my new life? Well it has never been anyhow new lately, as old and odd as it can be. Back to the same place and doing the same routine has never been any how good. Looking at the brighter side, I am still around the people I care about :) Besides that, nothing looks pretty new for me.

At times, I would come to think that 24 hours are not enough for me in a day if I were to really spend the time sufficiently. To the end of the day, even my body would get tired and eventually want to rest earlier unlike the old me where I would drag my time all the way to late midnight. At least that's the only time where I could take my mind away from everything for a little while.

Take off all the feathers so that I could fly further or it will only make me more vulnerable?