Well, I guess it is where everyone start giving up on me :)

Something that I need to get out of my mind here. Something about you again.
I thought this is about to put a full stop for everyone's sorrow but it wasn't. It makes the pain even deeper for me.
I started missing you today again just like any other day but today I have no idea why it hit me so hard.

I miss the fact that I have someone to talk to when I have no one now and knowing that you will never turn your back on me and always give me the best advise ever.Most of all, you're able to handle your own emotions better than i do when I tell you stuff.

I miss the fact that knowing you will always be there holding my hand whenever I fall and will lift me up again so that one day I will be independent.

I miss the fact that you will always be waiting for me to come back home and you will prepare dinner for me and I will do the dishes after that.

I miss the fact that you're thoughtful enough to bring me to your friends and introduce me to them so that in future they will be looking after me when you're not around.

I miss the fact that you can be very childish with me when we're playing and you can be very mature when you're teaching me stuff about life and survival.

I miss the fact that I still can call you "brada" and be like a small kid around you knowing that you will take care of the rest for me.

I miss the fact that you will reward me whenever you get your salary on Friday and bring for for a treat. You're kind enough to even spend money on me buying me such an expensive bag and meal with your hard earn money.

I miss the fact that when we quarrel you will eventually come to m position and try to talk to me because you know what kind of a person I am.

I even miss how much we have left out during that 2 1/2 years you at there and we don't have the chance to really live with each other.

There are just too much that I miss of you that I couldn't finish express it.

But today, I hate it where you always make the entire world cry for you.

I cried for you when you left home and went overseas and study.
Again I cried and mourn for you this year so much even in the car when I am driving back home today.I almost break down. Knowing our parents at home are feeling worst, I have to suck it all back in and try to let my mind think of other stuff else.
I really don't know how long more this can stand. Just today, i feel very upset and regret that I never listen to you at the first place. The message you're always trying to send to me.
You're really giving me a test for my endurance. I really don't know whether I can make it or not.
My legs aren't supporting me anymore. There are no more pillar ahead.
Why you, just why it has to be you of so many people.

The little confusion

There are this confusion within me that I couldn't even differentiate who to trust and who not to. A lot of talking have been going on and on and misunderstand one after another. The people standing in the middle shall just listen and obey to what it is. For me, I stand for what I believe, yet up to a point where my stand were vulnerable and this is the moment where I start losing what I believe or even people I believe in.
Even blood related I was being told not to fully trust, what more the non blood related ? Tell how about it, how does this works. It is not about money, not about power but just talk. Such dramatic, just like in tv series I think sometimes.