Change

How many times in life you were given a chance to grant what you want but to take back something from you. I once tried to grab the very chance I have to not do something I dislike, at the end I still chose to follow the path I was being put through. As in my age, I might complain, I might blame or I might even hold on grudges but at the end of the day I put down everything and accept it.
He used told me this, "one day, you will understand it is for your own good".

It is funny to see how it turn out to be and now my chance to grab what I always wanted to has come, but it is not in a condition that I would like to grant my wish. Turning out, it make me realize that, whatever that has happen, it happens for a reason. A friend of mine told me that, when this happen you all will either become closer to each other and if that doesn't happen the distance will grow further. I might not see how it is coming for me now but I definitely see something is changing and growing inside of me. I don't know what is is but I can feel it.

Well, another part of my life is about my coming Uni. Gotta attend my class very soon in less then 1 month time. I know it doesn't matter if I enter Uni at any age but it somehow will surely intimidates me in a few year times. Seeing people leaving and stepping into society and I am still at where I am. I will have a hint of that in a few years time or lesser I guess.

Hopefully everything goes smoothly and bless me as you can't take care me now. That's the only thing you can do best for me.

I guess I am slowly feeling what's coming ahead. Feeling the fear or losing or history repeating. Yet i can't do much. Will see what happen one another day and see which step I should take only consider the best choice to be made. The time is getting nearer. Sooner or later, things will be worst than what it is now. Shall see how I can survive with it or I shall just fall back for a moment until I can figure a way out of this.
Emotions have always been ups and DOWNS everyday. Staying at this place nothing ever goes right and feels right. It has always been like this. One day, I really can't stand this already. I fucking cant stand this already.